- crying when someone is mad at me so that they switch from anger to compassion
- positioning myself as a martyr, encouraging them to take their best shot, like I am jesus savior good when I am really judas traitor bad, like I am somehow generously giving something up by facing my responsibility for their pain
- describing myself as all bad (see above) so that others will rush in to say I'm not all bad
- depriving myself of basic self-care (the long goodbye of the hunger strike, in Aimee Mann's words) as a kind of emotional threat so that my partner becomes afraid for my well-being and doesn't feel free to express anger
- making it all about me, apologizing so that I can be forgiven, offering to do whatever they say so that I will be seen as compliant easy docile when I am really stubborn difficult recalcitrant, treating guilt like a hot potato I don't want to hold
- lying (I won't pretty this one up with imagery)
- writing a book or a blog post because I don't know how to be sorry in person
- referencing a cool band or song in the title to cover up my emotional deficits with a veneer of hipness
I'm hoping the people who follow this blog will explain it to me like I'm five.
Draw me a picture. I want to do better.